snakes are trying to kill me

I am a personal trainer and my uniform of choice is compression capri pants, a tank top, running shoes and a sweatshirt. I live in these clothes, I've lived in these clothes before 'athleisure' was ever considered as a thing. So yes, I was ahead of my time in the clothing department for once! I own four pairs of jeans and wear one pair for most occasions that call for casual or slightly dressy. Anyway, now that we live in the country, I need a whole new wardrobe! Here is why...

We have weeds like no other land in the history of time. Tall weeds, shorts weeds, fat weeds, green weeds, yellow weeds... you name it, we've got them all except for the one that could make us some money. Weeds need to be cut and mowed, a lot. Seeing as we were not prepared to find our dream home, we were not prepared to deal with so many weeds. We have a whacker and a lawn mower we used in the burbs, those will have to work until we get a riding mower or tractor. I'm handy with a lawn mower so one day around the second week of living at the Farm I thought I'd get some maintenance work in as I got off work early, so I'm out mowing away in my usual daily uniform and a stick decides to show me I'm not so tough. This brown like a rattlesnake, shaped like a rattlesnake stick that is as fat as a baby rattlesnake looks up at me as I'm pushing the mower forward and tries to bite me! I swear it did! Stupid stick! I reacted as anyone would, I completely froze while a scream escaped my throat, then I lifted my leg up like Karate Kid, ready to strike back before I realized it was just a stick. (A snake impostor if you will!)

I looked around to make sure no one was watching, put my leg back on the ground, checked that I didn't pee myself and then 'walked' the mower back into the garage as I was done for the day. Next morning I went and got me a pair of knee high, thick as you please, hopefully snake proof boots. Talked to the neighbors about the snake situation in our new hood just to see if I was overreacting at all. NOPE! She told me that they come into the house! SNAKES WILL COME INTO MY HOUSE! WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS THIS???? My jeans are out of storage and I'm currently searching for snake proof everything on Amazon...undies, socks, bra, hat, pajamas, sunglasses... if it has good reviews and is really snake proof I'm interested!

Oh and if you want to share with me that snake fencing is a thing, I know about that too. Here's what the sellers said to us, (Before I spoke to the neighbor who let's snakes into her house.) "The thing about snake fencing is that once they're in they can't get out." So surrounding my house with that IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! If you need me, I'll be standing on my kitchen island practicing my Karate Kid moves watching for snakes.

Thanks to Wikipedia for the pic because you can be sure I do not want to see this for real, EVER!

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