so you wanna get some goats?

We live very near a family that has lots of goats, like, thousands of goats. All kinds of goats. Of course they have lots of land to keep their goats on and they know about everything there is to know about goats. I, on the other hand, like the idea of goats and I think they're really cute. I've only met a couple of them at petting zoos, where they sweetly eat the kibble out of my hand and let me pet them. They don't say much and they seem pretty fat and happy. I'd heard of mean goats but have never actually witnessed goats behaving anything other than basically lazy. I know there's YouTube with millions of videos but I have not touched a mean goat in all my life...until we moved to the Farm!


We have weeds and a whole hillside, I mean acres of poison oak. Goats can eat poison oak and weeds and it agrees with them. I need goats! I need lots of goats! I can see it now, a nice gang of goats, maybe 20 or 30 that roam around the hillside keeping things tidy for us. Watching them play and make goaty noises happily all day long as I sip tea on my front porch, laughing at their shenanigans. Cute goats! People do goat yoga! Maybe we can have goat yoga?! Sounds lovely right? Then I met a pack of goats up close and personal. Our lovely neighbor, (the same woman who lets snakes into her house,) has about a handful of goats invited us to meet them at her place in their goat pen. She has mommas and babies! I love babies! I was pretty stoked to meet some non-petting zoo goats, like REAL goats doing REAL goat things. Remember Snow White? I bet she never met up with goats!


Goat things include the following...poop everywhere! Sure, it's small but man, these goats poop a lot. Who cleans that up all the time and where do you put it? I'm afraid to ask! Headbutting! The little babies like to hop up to you try to take you out at the knees! Our sweet neighbor shared how she'd been tossed across the road by a goat. ("Don't turn your back on a goat, ever!") Shoelaces are a delicacy! As are t-shirts and the very hair on your head. Pretty much anything on your person is considered a snack. If you're wearing... say, a really cute pair of black paisley covered compression pants, they like to make sure your thigh tastes as good as your pants do. Keep your fingers close and your toddlers closer people, goats are hungry all the time! After the babies didn't get enough calories from us, they went straight to their mothers and whoa! I'm glad I'm not a goat mom! Mom just stands there while the babies play tug-of-war with her teats! OUCH! Mom doesn't flinch an inch, she just stands there and takes it while her hind legs are shifting back and forth from the ripping out of her internal organs. There must be a special place in heaven for goat moms!


I think we'll wait on the goats, at least until I can figure out where to put all that poop!

Cute, but you might want to keep your fingers closer to your person!



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